I Used To Be Different….

Before I was a runner I was a different person. I’m not talking about the weight loss or any other physical difference. I’m talking about becoming a different person. It’s weird because I still feel like the same dude but I know I’m not. Running has changed me. Running has given me a new outlook on many things. Running has NOT made me a better person but it has made me different.

I used to be jealous of others. For example, if somebody said they were a runner, I would laugh and ask why. If they said they could run a 5k, I would say “I use to run 3 miles in the Corps, big deal.” If they said they could run a marathon, I would give the old…. “I could do that- but why the hell would I want too?”

I used to be scared… Scared of what people would think. Scared they might laugh. Scared they would think I couldn’t do the things they could. I used to be scared that I would fail. So I made fun of them.

I used to judge others. By brief interactions. By what others told me. By their clothes. By their laugh. By their appearance. I used to judge them before they judged me.

I used to be competitive. I wanted to win. I hated to lose. I worked hard to win. I worked hard not to lose. I wanted to be the best. I worked hard to be the best. Some things don’t change.

Now I understand that a 5k is a big deal for ANYBODY. I’m not scared to fail or just be the big old dork that I really am. I don’t judge without asking “at least” a few questions. (of them and myself) I still want to win but I have learned that I am my biggest competition and I will never win. If I do win…. I will have become a different person.

Of course, I have gained a few years and MANY life changes since the start of my “running life” so maybe this evolution would have come naturally. Running could be a giant waste of time……